The world is my chew toy

The world, including all forms of furniture, boots and shoes, books and magazines, and anything else that happens to be within the puppy radar of a growing Beagle. If I can reach it — it’s mine, all mine.. bwahahahaaa.

Don’t let the cute beagle face suck you into a vortex of complacency. This demon puppy is a walking, yarking (it’s a beagle bark thing,) waste disposal unit, except the stuff he’s disposing of is ours. He has little puppy fangs of destruction and is a prime candidate for exorcism. We have Father Damien on speed dial. Homeland Security is asking questions. We think he’s on the terrorist watch list.

I used to think there were no bad dogs, only bad dog owners. I was wrong – Shooter can be a bad dog. This beagle would get eighty-six’d from obedience training before lunch. He’s channeling his inner garbage disposal. He bullies Slevy (full grown Labrador Retriever,) who could crush him to little puppy pieces, but Slevy is a pacifist — he lays there and takes it. Occasionally, Slev will grow weary of it and show Shooter the death face, but does that slow down the demon puppy? Not even! He will lower his little beagle head, like a bull getting ready to charge, and rush back in for more lab terror.

You might ask, “Why would you keep such an animal?”

The problem is the dog is totally schizophrenic. One minute he’s tearing covers off books or eating the curtains. And in the next breath he’s put on the face you see in the picture above. He gives you the loving beagle look and all is forgotten. Personally, I think there’s a puppy conspiracy going on. They want to lull us into a false sense of security and when we have succumbed to their unconditional love gambit. Boom — next thing you know there’s a $1000 worth of Milk Bones and chewy rope charged on your PayPal account. (Never type in your password when the dog is watching.)

Uh-oh. He’s giving me a look that says, “That whole, blame-the-farts-on-me, thing… It’s getting old.” Gotta run. He’s going after my shoes.

“Snoopy didn’t start off being a Beagle. It’s just that ‘beagle’ is a funny word.” ~Charles M. Schulz

3 thoughts on “The world is my chew toy

  1. Debi Blood

    I can’t believe what terrible things you said about our baby. I’d protest, but – but – but – well, you didn’t say anything that isn’t true, lol!!!

    Seriously…THAT BEAGLE FACE. Who could resist? Neither one of us, that’s for sure.

  2. Diane K

    hahahahahaha Debi. Mann years ago when I was a child I had pleaded for a puppy for a very long time. For Christmas we got a miniature schnauzer. That is the first time I can remember crying tears of pure joy. Well, the little darling, that Christmas chewed up my grandmother’s bridge for her mouth. What was really funny was that my mom tried to claim it on homeowner’s insurance!!! The agent was a neighbor of ours and it worked!!!!!!.
    That sure wouldn’t happen now……..

Leave a Reply